Hetalia on Crack
by Midnight Solstice
Summary: Warning: May contain too much crack to handle. Also very explict, which is why this is rated M. Read at your own risk, because this story has many offensive sayings and may or may not include fapping to Flappy Bird. Let the crack games begin! ;)


Warning: Please don't read if you dislike crack and characters going crazy. Lots of offensive language and other random shit my mind came up with. Read at your own risk. Also, I purposely spelled many things incorrectly and made sure lots of punctuations were either included or not there at all. So if bad spelling and literate or whatever bothers you, turn back now. Now enjoy. c;

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One day Netherlands felt especially high, so he took out 4 cigarettes and shoved it up his ass and smoked one and moaned like the straight guy he was,,

"omG ya I liek the D!"

BELGIUM APPEARED AND SMACKED HIM iN the face and scolded him for wasting money wtf and then she took the cigarettes out of his ass and began fucking him hard and fast like he liked it.

"YeeSSS I don'T haVe to waste my money on prostitutes ANYMOAR!" he shouted happily at the top of his lungs because he loved being fucked behind from his sister,

Belgium moaned as she pounded into Netherlands from behind "yeSs Big brother,, now I don't have to imagine mYself TOPPING ANYMore!"

Then they lived happily fucking ever the end.

/**_shotonce_**

Romano was happily fapping himself in his own private room until Spain barged in because he was a stupid fuck that didn't know how to knock,

"ROMAANNOO! LET ME FAP WITH YOU!" Spain yelled out happily before jumping into Romano's bed and throwing all of his clothes off magically in 1 second

"what te LE FUCK, YOU BASTARD?! CAN I PLEASE WATCH MY DAMN PORN IN PIECE?!" Romano screamed as he tried to hide his phone, which he was watching porn on

"BUt Romaaaa~~~" he said with lots of tildas because Spain is a happy mother fucker like that, "its not fun to watch porn alone!"

Romano grumbled angrily before taking out his phone and Spain curled up beside him, both men fapping and moaning while they watched a person play Fappy Bird on YouTube because thats the best porn site ever

/**_shottwice_**

England was making his gay ass scones until America barged in the house by knocking down the door "ENGLAND PLEASE DON'T DO IT!" HE screamed with so much sadness in his voice

England glanced at the floor, eyes watering. "I-I can't America! I have to do it!"

"Plz, there must be another way to deal with your gay ass life!" America sobbed uncontrollably

"No you bloody arse! This is the only answer I have to end the life that I dont even have because I sit at home and talk to bunnies and fairies and shit all alone in a room! " England said crying before biting his scone and falling onto the ground died

"nooooooOo! England I'm sorry even though your eyesbrows look like a gorilla's ass crack who was giving birth to a unicorn! and you never let me tell you how much I..." america ran to England and held him in his arms. England's mouth twitched upwards as he waited for america to speak "...HOW much I really think your brother Ireland is so hot and sexy and btw tell him I want his pot of gold plz! & that he looks hella sexy in a skirt!"

England force fed America his scone and he watched as he slowly died on the floor "please go fuck yourself. BTW I'm going to go highjack all of ur mcdonalds now. By mother fucker."

And England sped down the road on his magical mint flying bunny.

/**_shotthrice_**

The bad touch trio began to do what they were named after: bad touch everyone

france giggled as he touched a woman on her hair and she screamed and called the police and he snorted "ohonhonhakaksoskxkowlwlcnNnajsk *',*1 £ ,,"(×?÷,";:;-;,~" the woman screamed "HELP HE NEEDS A MENTAL INSTITUTE ASAP" she said as the french groped her feet happily, liking how good it felt in his hand "ohohon ur feet make my horny lel"

Meanwhile ze awesome prussia pulled on Italy's curl and the Italian moaned so loudly and asked for more so he pulled on it more until he accident pulled it off completely oops.

Italy stopped moaning and then roared and transformed into that one guy from Boku no Pico and started to fuck the living shits out of Prussia

"KESESESE!" moaned prussia as he was forced to dress up as a girl and be topped by Italy who was actually now Pico :O

Nearby, Spain saw how sexy they looked together and began to touch his pee-wee while watching them from around the corner of the room, because hes so badass that he bad touched himself.

/**_SHOTFOURTIMES_**

one day Denmark asked everyone a question, "why are we called nordicks?"

Norway just laughed. "You're stupidity is killing me" he said with no expression as he stood there. this was a good sign because that meant Norway was laughing! !

Iceland looked at the both of them "Its because we are shaped like dicks duh"

Denmark was angry "IM TOO AWESOME TO BE SHAPED LIKE A DICK111!"

"b't you're a no'dic so too b'd." Said sweden

while Denmark sobbed in his emo corner, Iceland went over to his refrigerator and made love to it all night long before stepping inside of it and becoming one with his refrigerator

Norway was jealous because he had no one to become one with so he went to the bar to get wasted in a fox costume because he could. He drank at least 10 beers before he got up and began to slur and shit "whai-am-I *hic* hereihavenoWONtotALKto!" he sobbed

The people in the bar whispered wondering what he was saying, "What does the fox say?" Asked a person "I don't know, lets ask him" so they went up to the drunm Norway and asked him "What are you saying Mr Fox?"

He glared at them before jumping onto the table and began doing hip thrusts "DISCO POGO RINGSINGDING AOSNFOPQMSKXNL ;'?+(, DJCOQLDN AHAHAHRHEHEHEH ASDGJLHDLAKi'M DRUNK FUCK YEAH SKSNALMZJCOWM WHAT DUZ THE FOX SAY?!" screamed the drunk norway

and that is how the song "What Does The Fox Say" really came to be.

And Finland was in the background singing their theme song "piyo piyo piyo piyo piyo-chan, Piyo-chan no tamego, ureshii desu, MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHAFUCKERS."

but the real reason they were called the 'nor'dics was obviously because they're all norways bitches, obviously making up his dick.

_**/SHOTFIVETIMES/DEAD**_/

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Author's Note: Well, that escalated quickly. Anyways, I felt like I needed a break from writing my long, serious stories. So I wrote this. I'm not sure if I'll make another chapter, but I might if you ask for more, which s highly unlikely. So...depending on your response on this story, I'll consider making another crack filled chapter. Ciao fo for now!

_Signed, M.S_.


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